Song of the Day: Eien by, BoA
It has only been a month. One month. Can you believe it?
And the saddest part is....I still haven't fully moved on yet....
I still look at the pictures in my phone that John took when he "borrowed it". I still look at the pictures Marlee would post on Facebook in which I'm in about the majority of them with you guys. I still look over the text conversations with you guys and remember those inside jokes and special moments shared between us. When I walk to work, I look at all the places where I usually hung out at New Heritage and remember all those funny and cherished memories I had with you guys. And after doing this, I would cry by myself until something else occupies my mind.
It's hard.
It's hard to move on when almost all of your closest friends are going on missions and you're "left behind".
You guys always remind me that you are the ones getting left behind because, in all honesty, you are the ones leaving everything behind, keeping with you the memories from before the mission. In a sense, you're preserved in time because you'll be so enveloped with serving the Lord that you are not updated with what's going in the world.
As for me.....I'm forced to move on....
It's hard.
But you know what, the way I see it, I think this is necessary for all of us.
And no matter what you tell me about you being "left behind", you're not because you all will be growing and getting closer to realizing your divine potential. In fact, I CAN'T WAIT to see the people you guys will become after the mission!
And while you guys are growing immensely in a spiritual sense, I'll be also growing as a person. Already within the first month, I've learned how to juggle a part-time job (albeit one that sucks your entire social life), classes, and a social life (ehhh not really, but it'll change).
I'm becoming more independent
I'm learning to trust more in God
I'm becoming more mature and responsible
I've been reflecting more and more on what's happened freshman year, and I'm starting to realize the things I've improved on, the things I still need to improve on, the things I've started to appreciate, and the things that I need to appreciate now that they're gone (coughcoughlikeacertainsomeonecoughcough)
And it has only been a month. One month. Can you believe it?
I guess what I'm trying to convey here is that this has been a very bittersweet experience. Right now, I'm only seeing the bitter aspects of it: the feeling of loss of something so wonderful, the feeling of loneliness, and so on. But what I need to keep reminding myself (because I already know this!) is that 18 months and 2 years isn't actually a long time!
And then I need to remind myself how insanely HAPPY I will be when you guys all start coming back.
Boy that'll be a whole post on its own!
And right now, I'm already seeing the blessings that have been given to you as you choose to go on your missions right now.
I may not have decided to go on a mission (YET....we'll see what God has in store for me) but I'm also experiencing the blessings of learning more towards God and towards focusing on me and my growth.
To my future children, I just want to tell you that you will experience this at least once in your life. Whether it be leaving from your family for college, or seeing all your closest friends go on their mission I want to tell you that this pain will only last for a little bit: everything will be all right in the end
In the meantime, think about how much the people that have left have impacted you and changed your life for the better! I know my friends and family have.
- Marlee has taught me to always put God first before boys, school, etc. and everything else will fall into place. She also taught me that you are not truly alone.
- Cameron has taught me the value of friendships and that boys and girls can be just friends! He's also been my support both academically and emotionally.
- Julianne has taught me the importance of patience and that we will all receive the all of the blessings the Lord has promised us (we just receive it in times when we NEED it the most, not when we want it the most)
- Steven has taught me to be a good, kind-hearted, and overall happy person and as a result, everything else will fall into place. He taught me how to be a more Christ-like person.
- Justin has been my academic and emotional support too! He made my second semester a semester to never forget!
- Bond has taught me the importance of friendship and to always compliment people- even the ones you don't know that well because, who knows, that person might become your close friend in the end.
- And John. Oh John....this guy has taught me more than I realized during the school year, but he did. He taught me how to truly love someone. And I don't mean the romantic way (although I do have some romantic feelings towards him). I mean he showed me that someone who's not blood-related can truly and genuinely care for you. He was always there for me- through the toughest times and through the happiest times. He knew me the most and best out of all these people on missions right now. He sincerely cared for me and everything he did for me, he did with Christ-like love. And I'll never forget that. Whoever you marry will truly be the luckiest girl in the world!
As a famous Broadway song once said, "I don't know if I've been changed for the better. But, because I knew you, I have been changed for good." Thank you to all my missionaries who have shaped my life for good. And yes, I do believe I have been changed for the better because I knew you. And because you allowed me in your lives and loved me the way you did.
I'll be waiting! I can't wait to see how much we've grown!
God be with you until we meet again!
And when that day comes, we'll have the rest of Eien together! :)
Fun fact: Eien in japanese means eternity! On my towards becoming more fluent in Japanese >:)
Love,
Maya
Song of the Day: For Good from the musical Wicked
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