Repentance (The Untold Story Of Maya)

Song of the Day: Gold by, Britt Nicole 

So I have something I should share with you....

So you know how in Lion King Rafiki gives the best quote in the entire movie? 

He says 

Yes the past can indeed hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it.

Or something like that anyways....

Well, he's right. Now I shouldn't be using Lion King as an example because they botch up this theme (the past that Simba was running away from actually was not his fault....so we're not going to delve into that) BUT I do have a point I want to make.....

I've been running away from my past. There I said it.
And let me tell you, I haven't had it easy....

Back when I was young I was exposed to pornography due to the carelessness of the adults around me (their identities are not important). And because of that, these immoral thoughts have been plaguing me. I've had this constant struggle of trying to keep my thoughts pure, but pornography is an addiction and once it gets in, it will never come out. 

You know what's the worst part about this?

I told no one about it. 
That is, I told no one about it until this year.
Yes, after 8 years of struggling with this, I finally talked to my bishop about it.
And let me tell you, this was probably the best thing I've ever done in my life. Period. 

Looking back on it, I realized that this was the reason why I always struggled with my testimony and why I've been feeling stagnant. I've been clutching onto the past for so long that I wasn't able to move on.

So what happens after confessing this sin to your bishop? The Repenting process.
It's been rough to say the least. 
Everyday I would feel this emptiness in my chest. And for a while I felt like utter crap because I had this sin locked up for so long.

But that does not mean you should not repent for the sins you made. Because this feeling of emptiness and guilt feels a hundred times better than what I felt before I confessed to Bishop.

The moral of the story?
Repent. Don't get it still? REPENT. I cannot emphasize this enough that you should repent because that is the only way you can ever move on.

But what about that emptiness? On the first day after I told Bishop, my New Testament teacher was talking about this cheesy saying. It goes:

We have a hole in our soul and it is in the shape of Jesus Christ 

So that emptiness I was feeling was God telling me I should lean and trust Jesus Christ. ESPECIALLY during this time of repentance.

But what about that guilt? Well, that guilt is to remind you of the pain you felt when you were sinning. And even though it doesn't feel good, it does do good in the fact that you should never forget your sins. Because once you forget, you start repeating that sin.

Ever since then, I've been doing daily prayer and scripture study and it has been helping me gain a so much stronger testimony of the Atonement.

I know that Jesus Christ died on the cross for all of our sins and personally knows all of the pain and sorrow we each go through. He is the great Empathizer. So if there's anyone you should lean toward to when no one else understands, it is Him. He will help heal you like how he healed the sick, the blind, the lame, and the spiritually deprived in New Testament times. All you need to do is have faith that He will help you and to have faith in yourself. And you know what? The hardest thing about the entire repentance process is forgiving yourself because I guaratee you, once you strive wanting to become righteous, He has forgiven you before you even know it. Always remember (like how I strive to do) you're "worth more than gold"

Well I feel better now that I have finally got that out of my chest! But really though, I think it is time that I should finish this paper and reading quiz.

Love,
Maya Atmojo