The Random Musings of a Mormon Mestiza: Wake Me Up When September Ends (On Endings and Relationships)

Song of the Day: Roller Coaster by, Justin Bieber

Fun fact: I am actually starting to become a fan of Justin's music. I just wished he wasn't such a jerk.....what a waste of talent.

Well, throughout this entire month, I've been going through a roller coaster of emotions (see what I did there? Okay, I'll stop trying to be funny.)

One minute I'm spiritually enlightened, happy about everything and just want to talk to everybody. The next, I feel lonely and dejected and anti-social. So far, I am able to jump back thanks to the temple, the scriptures, and general conference talks. TAKE THAT SATAN!

However, this week in particular has been especially hard.

1) David and I had a long conversation (as always) on how we should treat each other. We stopped being cheesy and affectionate, which is good because he needs to focus on preparing for his mission. (T-minus 30 days.)

But.....he's stopped talking to me altogether. No warnings. No signs. No explanations. It just happened.

This has been going for three days now. And it's not like he DOESN'T get on Facebook. He still likes my pictures and statuses, but he left our conversation in midair. And that's the part that bothers me.

Maybe I'm just over-thinking it (and I probably am) but I just want to hear from him. At least to let me know he's okay.

It also doesn't help that two of his sisters can't talk on Facebook right now since their phones are broken. Ugh.

2) My favorite girl group of all time, Girls' Generation, has officially ended. They're no longer producing music.

This hurt me more than the previous news. They had recently resigned with their company for at least another three years before ending (with which I was planning to travel to Korea to attend a solo concert of theirs: a huge dream of mine!)....but due to personal reasons, they had to end abruptly.

Their music always uplifted me, it ALWAYS put a smile on my face because they were just so happy and encouraging. Besides family and a couple of my "pillars," they were always there to comfort me. And now, they won't be able to produce more beautiful music......

September just isn't my month hahaha. Thankfully it's ending and I can have a fresh, and hopefully better, start with October and Fall coming....

Until then, I think I'll just sleep it off. Just wake me up when September ends ( okay, I promise that was the last pun.)

Hmm......

Maybe this is supposed to happen. Maybe I need to have my heart broken and my spirit contrite for the upcoming General Conference. Maybe this is preparation for something I need to hear.

Let's hope I'm right. :)

But I decided to return to one of my favorite talks given by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf that says:

Because we are made of the stuff of eternity. We are eternal beings, children of the Almighty God, whose name is Endless and who promises eternal blessings without number. Endings are not our destiny.

The more we learn about the gospel of Jesus Christ, the more we realize that endings here in mortality are not endings at all. They are merely interruptions—temporary pauses that one day will seem small compared to the eternal joy awaiting the faithful.

I just love this! It brings me comfort every time something good ends, to know that endings are only here on this Earth. And our time here on Earth is only a second compared to the eternal life that we will have in the near future.

As this was happening, on Sunday I met this very special son of God who happens to be my Home Teacher. He's from Bulgaria and has gone through more turmoil than I think most people in Utah will ever go through in their entire lives. And because of this, he's a little blunt and jaded with the world. When I told him of my current situation with David, he told me I should drop him and think only of myself.

"Who cares right? If he wasn't doing anything for you, you shouldn't care, you shouldn't help him out!"

This not only took me by surprise, but also gave discomfort to my other Home Teacher. Unfortunately, that left me even more upset than before, but I'm not blaming anything on him. His life experiences helped him shape so that he HAD to think only about himself.
But he was right, and at this point all my thoughts were "Why me? Why me? Why me? Why me?"

Then Monday happened. Monday was one of the roughest days for me. Not only did I have my first Ochem midterm, but then the girl group breakup happened and I was just wanting to hear back from David. I was in World Religions at this point, holding my emotions in so that Jessica nor Jordan didn't see it.
And then my awesome World Religions professor said something in regards to marriage because we were talking about arranged marriages. I'll sum up my thoughts from what he said because a) I don't want to misquote him and b) It's my blog. I do what I want.

Marriage is not easy. Your temper and patience will be tested, that's guaranteed. But without it, you won't be able to grow. Marriage becomes easier as you get older. It is because you learn that marriage isn't about you. It's about the other person. It's about service to the other person. It's about service.

And then it hit me like a brick. I was going about the David situation the wrong way. The reason why I was upset with just everything was because I was thinking ME ME ME.
"Why hasn't he talked to ME?" "Why doesn't he say this to ME?" "Why isn't he doing enough for ME?"

I wasn't thinking about how he must be feeling right now. I wasn't thinking about how he's preparing for a mission throughout these past three days. I wasn't thinking how often he worries about me and my studies. I'm such an idiot. A selfish idiot.

Now I know what you're thinking: "Maya are you CRAZY? A lesson on MARRIAGE helped solve your problem with David? You guys aren't even engaged!!!!!"

And you're right. We AREN'T engaged. That lesson DID help and YES I AM CRAZY!!!!

But think about it. My experience with David is just that: an experience. It's supposed to help myself prepare for the actual thing. To be involved in someone's life like that. To be their support in everything they do. I made mistakes, but that's okay, because chances are I'm going to continue making mistakes all my life, including the marriage part.

The thing I want you (whoever is reading this) to take from this is that relationships of any type is not just about you. It's never about you. It's about the other person. It's not what the other person can do for you, but what YOU can contribute to the relationship.

I'm done being upset. I'm doing being miserable. I'm done thinking about "me me me." I'm done being a selfish idiot. I will think about my friends and how they are feeling. I will think about ways I can encourage David to continue preparing for a mission and to be there always for him, without expecting anything in return. I will think about ways I can serve others, because only when I serve others do I feel closer to God and feel love and happiness and everything good in this world.

Now, you're probably wondering right now...Maya, do you love David?

Depends on what you define "love."

Yes, I love him. Every time I talk to him, I see his divine potential and how much God loves him, even though he thinks he's not worthy of it. I was able to see him through the eyes of Heavenly Father, and I want him to return back to Him by going on a mission and be worthy of the ordinances of the temple. I don't know if I'm the girl he's supposed to take to the temple, but I do know I was put into his life for a reason. Maybe I'm an example of a girl he should take to the temple. And maybe he's an example of a boy that I want to take me to the temple. I honestly don't know right now and I honestly don't want to ~~overthink~~ think about it.

Come back to me in two years to find out the answer. :)

Until then, my focus is on the temple: to prepare to enter into it and to help others to prepare for it. I'm working with David's sister ( who has gone through some really rough things) in becoming temple worthy so that way we can both be ready for the temple together. :D