Hope and Trust (And I'm Still Into You)

Song of the Day: Still Into You by, Paramore 

Today was a fantastic day! 

After taking 4 midterms (all while still maintaining my research work and President duties) I finally have a week off from anything majorly stressful! 

I decided to use this time to serve others. Melanie and I worked on banners and a delicious chocolate cake for my roommate Taran since today was her birthday.

Result?: SUCCESS. Even though the chocolate started dripping off the plate, but that was our only problem. :) 

I am understanding and loving my Ochem class now, I was spiritually fed in my Doctrine and Covenants class. and my Sociology class ended early. 

I had a great time working with Lauren Moxley on our research and we both got our Ochem tests back....and guess what? I IMPROVED!  This was supposedly the hardest test in the semester and I did better than before! I was so happy! 

But later on that evening, some of my friends starting comparing test scores.....and that's when I found out that I didn't do as well as I thought. (at least in my eyes) I was so discouraged because I was so happy previously...but once the smarty, ambitious kids started comparing point by point, I was sad. I felt my worth come crashing down. 

Will I ever reach my goal, my dream to help other people? Will I ever become a doctor? 

I could feel my anxiety rising.... 

Not again. I don't want to go back to the summer where I felt like an empty vessel. No....

Luckily God has placed angels in my life, in the form of my roommates and a special boy in Bolivia. 

My roommates stuck by me and told me that I must endure. Improvement that SHOULD be celebrated. And if Heavenly Father wants me to become a doctor, it WILL happen. So, unless I receive a firm "no" from the Man upstairs, I'll continue onwards. This will be for my own good. I will become stronger from this and there's nothing productive in sulking about my shortcomings. 

We are all at different stages in life. But what's amazing about the gospel is that Heavenly Father promises the same blessings to EVERYONE. The only difference is that we receive them all at different times and in different ways. 

We are on different levels but we are all playing the same game. And because of that, we should enable ourselves to help each other, to become an answer to someone's prayers.

---

And then there's David Elder Sunun. What's the status in our relationship right now? After hours of talking and settling misunderstanding we decided to stay as friends. Nothing more or less. 

Actually that's a lie because there is something more. We're just not acting on it because we need time and experiences away from each other in order to progress and become spiritually and emotionally stronger. We email each other often and we support each other through our trials by sending scriptures and talks. (am I technically a Missionary Girl?) 

Usually, I would be the one supporting him, but today was his turn. I told him about some of my troubles (just worries....nothing serious) and he sent me this. 

Basically he reminded me that I am a princess....and that changed my mindset on everything. 

And yes, I'm still into him. No matter how hard I try, I can't get over him. No matter how much I hate myself for admitting that, I'm still into him. 

He was the light and warmth during my darkest period, and it is his love that I am able to see all my blessings during my brightest periods in life. 

I'm still into him.

I should be over all the butterflies, but I'm into you.

And baby even on our worst nights, I'm into you.

Let them wonder how we got this far, 'cause I don't really need to wonder at all.

Yeah after all this time, I'm still into you.  

He and my roommates are teaching me the value of Hope and Trust in Heavenly Father. Preach My Gospel sums it up perfectly. 

Hope is an abiding trust that the Lord will fulfill His promises to you. It is manifest in confidence, optimism, enthusiasm, and patient perseverance. It is believing and expecting that something will occur. When you have hope, you work through trials and difficulties with the confidence and assurance that all things will work together for your good. Hope helps you conquer discouragement. The scriptures often describe hope in Jesus Christ as the assurance that you will inherit eternal life in the celestial kingdom. 

I LOVE this description! I will NOT get discouraged. I'll keep going. I'll keep trusting in my own capabilities as well as in Heavenly Father's plan. He will enable me to overcome all my trials and become the person I was destined to be: a princess. No, not a princess, a queen! A queen that will teach her sons and daughters to be the shining light in this darkened world. A queen that will help ail people in their physical and spiritual illnesses. I will receive all the blessings Heavenly Father has promised to me and to everyone else.

And it's because of my amazing friends and because of that goshdarn special boy...that I still have that hope.

I still have hope that we might just make it. 22 months isn't too long in the grand scheme of things ;)

So, I still need to work on patience, and now I have to add on hope and trust. Thankfully, most of Jesus Christ's attributes are interconnected so if I work and focus on one of them, I can improve on all three of them. Funny how that works. :)

Well, I should be going to sleep. Another day, another 24 hours to improve and serve others and continue improving my relationship with Heavenly Father.

Love,
Princess Queen Maya